Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Procrastination: A Breath

Procrastination: for some a tentative venom, for others the highlight to their day. Nonetheless, to me procrastination has been a life saver; it has been the remedy to my spirit, it has been the vacation to my life. After being an academically competitive maniac for several years, I realized how my obsessive studying became the destroyer to my uniqueness and identity. Dull and meaningless routines stifled my willpower and strength of value. Only through the unproductive acts of: watching tv, talking to my mother or hanging out with a friend, have I learned to find myself once again. 

With boggled eyes, my friends would simply stare at me, incompetent of the thought: "Iv'e ever procrastinated."  My mind was permanently set to work when ever I had free time. My obsessive search for concentration would lead me to exceed to high levels of intolerance towards others. I was convinced that by enslaving myself to homework, it would eventually pay off at night, where I would go to sleep: thoughtless. During the day, I was emotionally tense and full of anguish. Competition was my "best friend," I would strive for only the best and nothing less. Everyday I would push myself more, and although my ego was satisfied my spiritual mind and body weren't. 

 About  a year ago, while being in an elevator with my older brother (a very bright and studious man),said: "Steph, I feel like a zombie." After taking a few seconds to absorb this information, I realized that I had deprived myself of my humanly senses. I no longer thought about my surroundings, or pondered about my emotions, but I had become "delusional," and functioned as a robot. My days were identical, my thoughts never changed, my attitude was numb and most of all my life had become a meaningless routine. Anxiety and stress were driving my life into a borehole. 

After several life changes, I recuperated myself: a spirited and lively person. My values and dreams came back to me, this all is due to procrastination. Taking time to myself, and enjoying all of life's opportunities, although discouraged my study habits, made me happier. The BBC News Article: "Why do we procrastinate so much? " dictates: "Procrastinators are less wealthy, less healthy and less happy than those who don't delay." although I believe some procrastination is healthy, when taking to extremes everything becomes detrimental. Moderation is the key, relaxing and "doing nothing" for a while may increase your positive attitude and work quality. Taking time to myself helped me realize my aspirations. 

One of the best lessons my mother taught me was: "If you die and go to heaven, and G-d asks you what you accomplished, you won't be able to answer: I wrote a novel, I earned fifty million dollars, I won an Oscar, etc...the only thing that will matter at that point would be how you changed the world positively and how you grew as a person." Procrastination although may be a "time waister," is the the pause you take to breath in a chaotic society.